THE CONGRESS

Next Monday we will visit the Spanish congress in Madrid. You will see many interesting things: Lions made from(=leones hechos de) former cannons (=lo que antes fueron cañones), bullet holes (=agujeros de bala) from a coup d'etat (=golpe de estado) in 1981 (ask your daddy & mom), etc... Modern Spanish History has been cooked in this place, guys. This is the place where politicians (=los políticos) argue endlessly (=riñen sin cesar) and criticize one another. It is also the place where many important decisions are made(=se toman)

I hope you like it. Whenever (=cada vez que) I pass by (=paso por delante) I always look at the lions.They are huge(=gigantes) and impressive (=impresionantes). I pass by the congress very often because there's an excellent Italian restaurant nearby (=cercano) where I alaways enjoy lasagna!!! By the way,guys, behave yourselves (=pórtense como es debido)

I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!

I'm sorry if today I sound a bit like Dr.Gregory House,but I can't stand it anymore. (=ya no aguanto más).Whenever (=cada vez que)we're in class, I ask you a thousand questions, some of them concerned with your private life:

"Little Bobby, do you like fish?","Little Tony, how often do you go to the cinema?","Little Billy, did you abandon your pet dog last weekend?" and so on and so forth (=y así sucesivamente). Well, I just ask you because I wanna make you speak, I ask you because it's the only way you'll ever learn how to speak, I ask you because communicating you will learn English. Let me pick out (=elegir)my words wisely(=sabiamente)....I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR LIVES.(=no me importa un comino vuestra vida).I hate it when I ask little Pete about his weekend and then five other students tell me about theirs!!!! if I listened to the other five students, we would get sidetracked (=nos desviaríamos del tema) and go off at a tangent(=nos salimos de la tangente).And this goes especially for my students in 3rd year 'A' of E.S.O.

TEEN TRENDS

hi!!!...I'm aware(=soy consciente) of the fact that many of you think that we teachers are old-fashioned,dull (dull=boring) teaching machines. You might even think we don't have a social life,some of you think we are 'teaching terminators' who get frozen on Friday afternoons and come back to life on monday mornings...well we are not. We also have trouble (=también nos cuesta) getting to understand some of your trends. Today,I'd like to take a look at some of them.

First of all...why do many of you think Jap(=Japanese) language and Jap looks are cool? Why not Chinese???Why don't you wear white socks and black shoes as Chinese guys do???I don't get it.Chinese seem cooler to me.And then...is it really necessary to put rubber bands (=gomas de las de correos) on your jeans???It really hurts my eyes to see it,guys.And then...what's so cool about tracking suits???(=chandals) Why wearing a cap (=gorra) if it's not sunny????Why such large caps???(=por qué las gorras tan grandes????). And finally...and most importantly...WHY DO YOU KEEP ON (=insistís en )PUNISHING (=castigar) US WITH YOUR CELLPHONE (=teléfono móvil) MUSIC??? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WE'RE NOT INTERESTED IN HEARING YOUR MUSIC 24/7 ????????(=las 24 horas del día/7 días a la semana) I know you don't like many of our trends either, but I just need an answer,please!!!

TEACHER VS SANDWICH GRILL

Yesterday evening, I felt like (=me apeteció) having a sandwich. I took the bread, ham and cheddar cheese out of the fridge and tenderly (=con cariño) placed(=coloqué) the slices (=lonchas) in my favourite order. It was the first time I used that brand new (=nuevecita) sandwich grill, so I was really excited about it all. After a couple of minutes smoke came out of the sandwich grill,but I thought it was normal...hell it wasn't. Three minutes later, a flood of cheese(=una inundación de queso) was leaking out(=rezumaba) of the grill, as if (=como si) the grill were throwing up (=vomitando). Suddenly (=de repente), the grill started to TALK!!!!:

-"I won't be your slave(=esclavo),Mr.Tight...try to use me again and I'll grill YOU!!!"

-"I'm sorry, Miss Grill...I didn't mean to....(=no era mi intención)"

-"Shut up!!! How dare you!!!(=¿cómo te atreves?) I'll teach you a lesson!!!"

At this point, cheddar cheese was all over my kitchen floor, I could feel it hot under my feet.I took the bottle of Mr.Proper and threatened(=amenacé) the grill. When I was about to(=a punto de) pour (=verter) it on the grill, I woke up. I went to the kitchen and prepared a sandwich in the grill. Suddenly,smoke started to come out of the grill.....

SUBLIMINAL WORLD

This morning, as I was reading the newspaper,I realized there was subliminal content in it.I encourage(=os animo) you to take a look at it. The newspaper was 'El Mundo'. All the sections in the newspaper contain colour photographs except two sections,where the photographs are in black and white. The section I'm referring to is 'ECONOMY'. Also, the subheading (=el subtítulo de la noticia) is in red. There is only one other(=sólo otra) section in the newspaper with red subheadings. I thought it was a weird (=raro) thing...why would a newspaper change two of its sections' typography??? There is a reason, little brats (=mocosos). Black and white photographs are not as cheerful (=alegres) as colour photographs. Also, red subheadings gave me the impression of danger. If you are wondering (=si os estáis preguntando) what the other section with that typography was....it was the obituary column (=las necrológicas). Draw your own conclusions (=sacad vuestras propias conclusiones) and don't forget you will also find subliminal information in every (=en todos)newspaper you glance through (=hojeéis).

BACK TO WORK

Dear students,

We're all back to work.I hope (=espero) you've charged your batteries (=hayais cargado las pilas) because I have. I'm planning to make your life as difficult as I can (=pienso haceros la vida imposible), I promise to assign tons of homework (=mandar toneladas de deberes) and get the best out of you (=sacar lo mejor de vosotros) in every session. Watch your back(=vigilad vuestra espalda), because I'll attack when you least expect it (=cuando menos te lo esperes), just like John Rambo.I'll be covered in mud (=cubierto en el fango), not blinking an eye (=sin parpadear), you'll get into the classroom and be an easy prey (=una presa fácil).I'll be merciless (=seré despiadado),heartless (=insensible)and ruthless (=sin compasión).... so watch your step (=así que mira por donde pisas)

MY VACATION

Dear all,

After a rather (=bastante,siempre con adjetivos negativos) tough (=hard) term, I think I deserve a few days off (=unos días libres).As a result,I hereby (=por la presente) ask you to leave me alone (=que me dejéis en paz) for a few days.Don't write comments to this post (=you wouldn't even if I asked you to,as a result of my umpteenth (=enésimo)failure (=fracaso) in my life,hahaha).Let's see if inverse psychology really works. Enjoy your days without your most hated teacher because I'm charging batteries and will make your life impossible during the next term.